untitled

Oct 2004

Don’t tell me you are waiting…
You never showed me a sign…
Never made an effort to show me you are mine

Now I’m waiting…
Waiting patiently to get over you…
Silently suffering…witnessing the bruises
Your words or lack of them caused

You dangle hope,
Just to draw it back,
You show me you care,
Just before the despair.

“Passed On” to the Unknown.

6th August 2004

“Death ends a life but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind towards some resolution that it may never find”
Robert Anderson


People say time is the best healer… I’ve rarely experienced the healing power of time. It still hurts the same way as it initially did many years ago. Yes, the severity and sharpness of the pain dulls away and a constant ache takes its place. It may not always be the first thing on our conscious, but it is there nevertheless, pain, triggered by words, nostalgia, yearning and love. We slowly settle into our daily lives and act like nothing happened to cause a change in the cycle of day and night and yet every minute we are affected by it deeply as if there were a shift in the earth’s rotating motion.
Someone’s absence, be it temporary or permanent causes a stirring of emotions never evoked during their presence. Things that now seem extraordinary, moments that are now memories to be cherished forever, never had the same significance. Words and conversations that we quote and repeat to ourselves in solitude or company, seemed just like any other words that come out of a person’s mouth. Conversations we continue to replay in our heads, causing us to hurt ourselves over and over again will always have the same stinging effect. Yes, the pain does dull away; we settle into life’s routine, we realize the first thing we remember when we wake up was not the absence or void but other nitty gritties of life, and slowly it becomes the second and then the third thought. Never quite disappearing but lurking in the shadows of our consciousness.
A day doesn’t go by when we don’t think of them. All those voids and all those marks, not scars, just marks, footprints and memories. Seasons may come and go, and a lifetime may pass, yet the footprints are never quite washed away with the waves that crash against rocks and at times slowly caress the sand, they do become faint and dull with time, but never so dull that they can’t be seen on a lonely dark night with a starless sky. For when I take a walk along the shore on such a night, my companions are just them, the footprints and the memories of those whose path somehow met mine, whose life beautifully touched mine.

Life's Little Nudges

May 2003

Uncertainty was something that I’ve never made peace with. And now all of a sudden, it seems like there is absolutely nothing that is a reality, every single thing is questionable and I am on the verge of losing myself in this vortex.
However, there are certain beliefs that keep my feet on the ground and that help me in every single thing I do in life and every single decision I make. I truly believe that every person is sent down here for a particular purpose. There are those who search for that purpose throughout their lives traveling from shore to shore, destination to destination, decision to decision trying to seek and attain truth, reason and meaning. And then there are those who know it in their hearts and know exactly how to achieve it and spend their entire lives fulfilling their purpose. Then there are those who are somewhere in between but not quite. They have an intellect and understanding of things and deeper issues of life, far from success and material goods, but understanding of people, relationships and issues far less tangible. But somehow they just don’t know hot to go about finding their purpose, and achieving it. Saying that all they need is faith and direction would not be true, yes they need that above all but they also need someone else, someone who can help them find and achieve their purpose and hold their hand on every failure, wipe their tears and pat their backs and congratulate them on their every success. Would that be a person? I don’t know. Maybe an entity, which, like their understanding, is far less tangible. Yes, indeed they need Faith the most.
So much needs to be shared and so much has to be penned down, maybe that is what my purpose is…maybe this is how I will find, achieve and succeed in fulfilling my purpose.

Something I try to remember and tell myself every time I get an opportunity… try and look for the greater, deeper meaning in things, in Gods signs to you and in life's little nudges and gestures to you.

the first one

A Storyteller. Someone who knows the art of telling stories, weaving a narrative in and out of someone’s life, spinning a web of words, crossing the boundaries of reality, overlapping fact and fiction and enveloping the subject in the nitty-gritty of the narrative. Precisely, my passion is writing. The art where perception is far more vivid than sensation, thoughts are given shape, ideas are given form and words are the tools of communication. One day I dream of being that…A Storyteller. That’s all I wish to say about myself here and now. The rest; through reflections, raw, crap,unrefined writing, you will know me...