When decisions had been made...

When decisions had been made, then why am I not able to take any step in accordance to the made resolutions? Why have I not yet frozen over, why are things affecting me more than they should, why are the other (more dominant parts of me) dragging me once again into making the same mistakes? If I am aware of the perils of traveling down a one way street and I continue doing so, then why, oh why must I grieve upon reaching a pre-ordained dead end???

Why does the transparent face remain damn transparent and why does the happy grin not travel to the eyes? And why, why must you see everything so well? Why must you question even the slightest flicker of doubt in my eyes? Why must you see through every damn defense I put up? And WHY must it be this hard to bubble wrap my heart and employ less of it?

Did I not say, screw all the resolutions; I’m too nutty for them? Well, I’m sure not saying that anymore, wish I had stuck to them longer.

Why must your eyes still contain that which I don’t think I can stand seeing anymore? How can it be there? It defies all logic, yet when I see it there, it has this bizarre magnetism about it… damn you. Why must I see a lot more than I should in those eyes?

A certain amount of truth…which just can’t be there…a sincerity, that does not deserve to be there.

(I wrote this post some days back...damn computer, damn net connection, too many viruses....Im still writing in my head, there will be an influx of posts once the damn computer is fixed, dunno how the page opened up just now, but im glad it did)

(Beknighted: WHERE R U?? I know i promised and i am extremely sorry... but don't desert and give up on me this easily)

Decisions have been made.

Decisions have been made. Action is yet to be taken.

• I am going to be numb, even frozen (not just cold) if need arises.

• I will not let things affect me more than they should (and I know exactly how much they ought to affect me if I use my head and not other more dominant components of me).

• I will make an effort to make my face less transparent and not let it be a damn mirror of the way I feel.

• I will not let the other more dominant components (mentioned above) drag me into making the same mistakes over and over again.

• I will realize (hopefully one of these days) the consequences of traveling on a one way street, and recognize the perils it automatically puts me through, and if knowingly (-read stupidly) I do travel down it I will not grieve upon reaching a dead end.

• I will do all of the above maintaining a positive outlook, optimistic approach, and a happy grin.

• Most importantly, I will bubble-wrap my heart and try very, very hard to employ less of it.