Someone please tell mehow to link other bloggers on my site....tried reading the help and stuff...
not WORKING!
not WORKING!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
will get back to blogging tomm morning!
Need to put up the post that no one read one again...I dont know why I dont give up when it comes to such things....yes the power supply went out while it was being published and yes I ALWAYS compose in word, except when I am using someone else damn laptop that aaaaaaaaaaaaaagrrrrrrrrrhhhhhh frustrates the life outta me.
This sad, sad story will be continued tomm morning, when I will add the post initially titled "lahore, laptops amd 45 degrees"
I also posted a comment on the "what is this place coming to" which obvioulsy never got posted either... so I will get back to replying to everybody once again, as soon as I can.
Tomm morning.
PS: I bought "Where they dream in Blue"! =)
Its good to be back, to breathe this air...and live in...and love this city.
This sad, sad story will be continued tomm morning, when I will add the post initially titled "lahore, laptops amd 45 degrees"
I also posted a comment on the "what is this place coming to" which obvioulsy never got posted either... so I will get back to replying to everybody once again, as soon as I can.
Tomm morning.
PS: I bought "Where they dream in Blue"! =)
Its good to be back, to breathe this air...and live in...and love this city.
Somethings "missing"...
Today I read the jist of what I said to you.
If that doesn’t make sense to you, if you still don’t get it...you never will.
And I am not going to expect you to understand this anymore than you can understand how much your presence is missed. You tell me you are still 'around, present, there". Its not the same "around, present, there" it used to be. It just isn’t.
Don’t convince me about something that isn’t, and the something that you don’t give a damn about and the something you are too complacent to give two hoots about. Damn it, when you are outta my life, can you please get out of my head?
And while you are at it can you please take along that venomous sting that transforms into a jab of stabbing, razor sharp pain and eventually settles into a numbingly dull, constant ache every time I think of you.
....."...Because no matter how occupied I become with mundane existence...."."......Beneath it all, buried under the dust and grime and smog and toxic waste of every day life, I miss you. "...."I miss being able to just be myself with you. Being vulnerable, being breakable. Being imperfect and careless and rude and angry and passionate..." .......
Damn.
I Miss You.
A lot.
(The aforementioned in inverted commas is an excerpt from Beknighted's post titled "Total AAARGH Moment".)
If that doesn’t make sense to you, if you still don’t get it...you never will.
And I am not going to expect you to understand this anymore than you can understand how much your presence is missed. You tell me you are still 'around, present, there". Its not the same "around, present, there" it used to be. It just isn’t.
Don’t convince me about something that isn’t, and the something that you don’t give a damn about and the something you are too complacent to give two hoots about. Damn it, when you are outta my life, can you please get out of my head?
And while you are at it can you please take along that venomous sting that transforms into a jab of stabbing, razor sharp pain and eventually settles into a numbingly dull, constant ache every time I think of you.
....."...Because no matter how occupied I become with mundane existence...."."......Beneath it all, buried under the dust and grime and smog and toxic waste of every day life, I miss you. "...."I miss being able to just be myself with you. Being vulnerable, being breakable. Being imperfect and careless and rude and angry and passionate..." .......
Damn.
I Miss You.
A lot.
(The aforementioned in inverted commas is an excerpt from Beknighted's post titled "Total AAARGH Moment".)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
What is this place coming to
No, seriously....What isthis place coming to?!
I read thinsg here and there and Im just SHOCKED!!!
This si nto teh Pakistan I knew 4 years back....progression is good, when made in the right direction.
Where the hell are we heading....I read random blogs and I am just SHOCKED!
Im sorry....if you think I am backward, or stupid or dumb or WATEVER!!!
We have lost not just our values and principles but also our conscience. Do we no longer know what is right and wrong..?!
And dont even get me started on what is right and wrong, you can decide foryourself....
from whee I see it...PREMARITAL SEX is wrong. So are physical relationships taht you have no intent of legalizing, and so are a million things the 'youth' of our nation is indulging in.
Did I grow up in a different time zone altogether?!
I completed college in 2001, for God's sake its just been 4 years! Did Paksitan morph into something while I was away?! Yes, it all existed at that time but it was still considered bad. Nothing, and I do mena nothing is eyebrow raisingmaterial anymore....its all ok....sabh "chill hai"
ABEY KYA CHILL HAI?!!! ( I am waaaaaaaaaaayyyy too hyped to make any sense right now...I cant even form a complete decent sentence in my head abhi. aaarggghhh)
Where are we heading?!
What is this place coming to?!
I read thinsg here and there and Im just SHOCKED!!!
This si nto teh Pakistan I knew 4 years back....progression is good, when made in the right direction.
Where the hell are we heading....I read random blogs and I am just SHOCKED!
Im sorry....if you think I am backward, or stupid or dumb or WATEVER!!!
We have lost not just our values and principles but also our conscience. Do we no longer know what is right and wrong..?!
And dont even get me started on what is right and wrong, you can decide foryourself....
from whee I see it...PREMARITAL SEX is wrong. So are physical relationships taht you have no intent of legalizing, and so are a million things the 'youth' of our nation is indulging in.
Did I grow up in a different time zone altogether?!
I completed college in 2001, for God's sake its just been 4 years! Did Paksitan morph into something while I was away?! Yes, it all existed at that time but it was still considered bad. Nothing, and I do mena nothing is eyebrow raisingmaterial anymore....its all ok....sabh "chill hai"
ABEY KYA CHILL HAI?!!! ( I am waaaaaaaaaaayyyy too hyped to make any sense right now...I cant even form a complete decent sentence in my head abhi. aaarggghhh)
Where are we heading?!
What is this place coming to?!
So What?!
Yes, yet again a rerealization!
Life is WAAAAAAAAAAAAayyyyyyyyyy toooooooo short....I don’t even know if I have another year or less here, and then again we just live once right?!
Why should I continue living in the past? Yes it did mean a lot, ALOT! But that doesn’t mean I am going to stop living because certain things are still not either black or white. They are always a shade of grey, but SO WHAT?!
You tell me that knowing where I don’t stand with you is what bothers me....Yes u r absolutely right, it does bother me, cuz I don’t see a sense in these dumb games, I just don’t. If someone matters a lot then let them know, then make sure that they will stick around, then don’t bluddy well be complacent if they are distancing them self for whatever reason. Be proactive, act live u give a damn, and get off your complacent ass and DO SOMETHINg dammit!
But anyway, that frustrated fury is for another time. Today, I’m just happy that we shared whatever it was that we did in the past, so what if things turned out differently, unlike what either of us wanted. Neither of us know what happened, and even if we both wanted at different times, to reverse time and make things right, at this point, neither of us can or at least are not even attempting to do something about it.
But today I am just glad that the past happened. Not the distancing part, but yes that was essential too.
But SO WHAT?! If you don’t feel the same way I do about you. I can’t make you change you the feel about me now. I cant help but feel defeated at times, but then again, neither one of us can be blamed for this. I know how I feel, I also know that you don’t feel the same way anymore. If your attention and your attempts have moved else where, I should be okay with it, cuz honestly I do know feelings, relationships etc cant always be mutual. Or at least mutually equivalent.
It is ok.
In spite of knowing everything, I can’t change the way I feel about you. Regardless of the fact that things are very one sided today, I still continue to put in an effort, cruel joke this is, when you did I didn’t, when I do, you don’t. ha.
Even though I know there might be no point to all this, cuz I will probably not want the same conclusion and outcome as you, I value “permanency” and exclusivity for life. We differ in alotta things, yet I’m not going to ask you to change.
I’m not going to let rationality bring me down today, I did something spontaneous, something irrational, something that I know you might still be thinking about, or may have forgotten the same minute, I don’t know. In spite of knowing that its all gone, its been lost, I carry on…and smile to myself when think about you and certain past instances, In spite of knowing hurt is headed my way sooner or later…So WHAT?!
You are worth it.
Life is WAAAAAAAAAAAAayyyyyyyyyy toooooooo short....I don’t even know if I have another year or less here, and then again we just live once right?!
Why should I continue living in the past? Yes it did mean a lot, ALOT! But that doesn’t mean I am going to stop living because certain things are still not either black or white. They are always a shade of grey, but SO WHAT?!
You tell me that knowing where I don’t stand with you is what bothers me....Yes u r absolutely right, it does bother me, cuz I don’t see a sense in these dumb games, I just don’t. If someone matters a lot then let them know, then make sure that they will stick around, then don’t bluddy well be complacent if they are distancing them self for whatever reason. Be proactive, act live u give a damn, and get off your complacent ass and DO SOMETHINg dammit!
But anyway, that frustrated fury is for another time. Today, I’m just happy that we shared whatever it was that we did in the past, so what if things turned out differently, unlike what either of us wanted. Neither of us know what happened, and even if we both wanted at different times, to reverse time and make things right, at this point, neither of us can or at least are not even attempting to do something about it.
But today I am just glad that the past happened. Not the distancing part, but yes that was essential too.
But SO WHAT?! If you don’t feel the same way I do about you. I can’t make you change you the feel about me now. I cant help but feel defeated at times, but then again, neither one of us can be blamed for this. I know how I feel, I also know that you don’t feel the same way anymore. If your attention and your attempts have moved else where, I should be okay with it, cuz honestly I do know feelings, relationships etc cant always be mutual. Or at least mutually equivalent.
It is ok.
In spite of knowing everything, I can’t change the way I feel about you. Regardless of the fact that things are very one sided today, I still continue to put in an effort, cruel joke this is, when you did I didn’t, when I do, you don’t. ha.
Even though I know there might be no point to all this, cuz I will probably not want the same conclusion and outcome as you, I value “permanency” and exclusivity for life. We differ in alotta things, yet I’m not going to ask you to change.
I’m not going to let rationality bring me down today, I did something spontaneous, something irrational, something that I know you might still be thinking about, or may have forgotten the same minute, I don’t know. In spite of knowing that its all gone, its been lost, I carry on…and smile to myself when think about you and certain past instances, In spite of knowing hurt is headed my way sooner or later…So WHAT?!
You are worth it.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Memories will last...
I seriously NEED to STOP writing crappy poetry, that I dont know why I am writing but still continue to do so without it being of any relevance to my life at the point I am writing it. It is seriously hazardous! Because sooner or later it all comes true.
I don't know why I wrote it when it had absolutely no significance in the first place. I wrote this in 2003, and suddenly it is wholly apt.
I'm often appaled at your ability to say profoundly deep things,
without even a hint of genuineness in your actions.
I wish one day I'll know what went wrong,
the days I've waited have been endlessly long.
We've each had our share of unjustifiable pain,
I tried to convince myself otherwise but things may never be the same.
I hope I have never been the one who broke your heart,
Never wronged you in any way whether we were close or apart.
So many smiles, countless tears too,
times spent together and far apart from you.
I know you had an exclusive place in my heart,
I mean it to this day, but just don't know where to start.
Soon it will be time to say 'goodbye'
unexplainable memories still make me sigh
We share a history, a heartwarming past.
Our reltionship may never, but these memories will last.
May 2003.
I don't know why I wrote it when it had absolutely no significance in the first place. I wrote this in 2003, and suddenly it is wholly apt.
I'm often appaled at your ability to say profoundly deep things,
without even a hint of genuineness in your actions.
I wish one day I'll know what went wrong,
the days I've waited have been endlessly long.
We've each had our share of unjustifiable pain,
I tried to convince myself otherwise but things may never be the same.
I hope I have never been the one who broke your heart,
Never wronged you in any way whether we were close or apart.
So many smiles, countless tears too,
times spent together and far apart from you.
I know you had an exclusive place in my heart,
I mean it to this day, but just don't know where to start.
Soon it will be time to say 'goodbye'
unexplainable memories still make me sigh
We share a history, a heartwarming past.
Our reltionship may never, but these memories will last.
May 2003.
utterly at a loss for sense
I have hardly felt like this more than a few times in my life. It's this feeling of being completely at a loss of words ,though they continue to spin around in your head all day long. I sit expressionless and try to process my thoughts, failure to do so results in me typing away mindlessly. I don't know what to do or how to go about doing what I want to. I dont know even if I want to do anything at this point.
I can't stop thinking about the past, I cant HELP but think about it. Im not going to act all heartbroken and shit, because I am not! I am just hurt and confused, and it is very human to feel this way. U blame me for what, I ask? I blame you, for what, you ask? then why can't this painful period of not knowing and blaming each other be over?
I think priorities might have changedm, infact I know that they have.
IF you really do give a damn, stop sitting complacent on your butt, and get up and do something about it dammit!
I can't write anything good, I have a headache, people who read this blog will think I have comepletely lost my mind.But honestly, I cant make sense today, aaj naheen, kabhi aur sahi.
Quoting Jewel:
" Sometimes
I feel my heart fall
to vague depths
between words.
There are such spaces,
that I can't help but feel
My heart fall,
between
the pregnant pause
of all you will not say
and all
I can not ask."
I can't stop thinking about the past, I cant HELP but think about it. Im not going to act all heartbroken and shit, because I am not! I am just hurt and confused, and it is very human to feel this way. U blame me for what, I ask? I blame you, for what, you ask? then why can't this painful period of not knowing and blaming each other be over?
I think priorities might have changedm, infact I know that they have.
IF you really do give a damn, stop sitting complacent on your butt, and get up and do something about it dammit!
I can't write anything good, I have a headache, people who read this blog will think I have comepletely lost my mind.But honestly, I cant make sense today, aaj naheen, kabhi aur sahi.
Quoting Jewel:
" Sometimes
I feel my heart fall
to vague depths
between words.
There are such spaces,
that I can't help but feel
My heart fall,
between
the pregnant pause
of all you will not say
and all
I can not ask."
