Harmonious Perplexity

I am supposed to be designing stationery at this point in time for day after tomorrow’s submission and yet I sit here allowing my fingers to play havoc with the keyboard and the songs to cause perplexity in my already bewildered head.

…songs from very looooong ago.

“Naraz” , Vital Signs
“Chaley thay saath”, Junoon.
“yeh dhoop kinara” Faiz by NayyaraNoor
and ofcourse “Katay Naahi Raat Mori” Ustad Sultan Khan…

need to get back to work…argh

Ruckshaw Ramblings

Spotted on the backside of a Rickshaw…

“Pyar kar key daikh, Pasand apni apni, Naseeb apna apna”

If loving someone is such a great feeling, if it makes you content in most ways, knowing there is someone you can spend the rest of your life with and not get bored…accepting that you can’t imagine yourself with anyone else then why does not “Naseeb” (fate) work out in ways that suit what the heart desires?
I know…I know…I believe in meant to be as well. God knows what He is doing… but still….

Why it does it have to hurt so much?

Conversing Hugs, Sad Goodbyes…

What do you do when your eyes meet his and you ecstatically greet him with an enormous grin on your face and he doesn’t respond? Instead, he just walks up to you and hugs you like there is no tomorrow. Like his life depends on how long and hard he can hold on to you for. When you look into his eyes you see an ambiguous blend of confusion, and anticipation, fear, and hope and a discharge that has wet your shoulder and is reflected in your eye and you realize things that you could never have realized without his help. Suddenly you are filled with a sense of gratitude like never before and obvious realities dawn on you like epiphanies.

He was waiting for me at my residence while I scuttled from college to quickly pick up something for him on my way home. And soon after our intimate salutation he followed me upstairs to my room and sat himself down on my bed while I executed my structured routine of everyday trivialities. I started talking about general things, carefully avoiding any mention of why he was there on that particular day. But being the blunt person he is, he cut to the chase and just said “I’m really scared”. And that was the minute I just shut up and took him in my arms. It was my turn to hug him like there was no tomorrow. If hugs could talk mine would have said, I know you are scared, so am I… I know this might be it and it scares the life out of me, I know that there are things worse than the actual eventuality of us all and that scares me even more. There was too much to say, that I hardly said anything, instead I handed him the tiny token I got for him. Some chocolates and a T-shirt, the kind he liked. We talked some, then hugged some, talked more and hugged more and eventually joined everyone for lunch downstairs. Laughed a lot, entertained each other and then he left. I went to see him off at night and the hugging session started once again and our last hug lasted for about 5 minutes and then his parents told him to let go off me so I could breathe. And finally he just stood there in the black “Karachi Daku” shirt, that he had loved the instant his eyes fell on it that afternoon. We both waved.

Our paths crossed, inter-twined and fate made a decision that it would bind us together in a nameless bond for infinity. I call him my friend, the dear 12 year old boy who came into my life 5 years ago. And this is no ordinary boy; he has a maturity far surpassing those much older to him, a sensitive heart and an immeasurable ability to love. There is hardly a stain on his pure heart that has felt far much than it should have, that has endured a lot more than any child’s due share and that still beats contentedly with hope and optimism. He is certainly a “man” of qualities. So when he left for Singapore once again that night a million prayers were with him, and I hope yours will be too. For my little friend suffers from something no one would want for even their worst enemy …the worst kind of an incurable and malignant Brain Tumor.

Posters and Taglines...

Functioning on 3 hrs of sleep once again now that school's reopened...can hardly muster up the himmat to write....sentences keep floating in my head all day, and yet I can't gather up the patience, the effort, to make it a cohesive whole.
Thinking, thinking, thinking...once again.
too much to say, will write soon...very soon hopefully (or this kichri in my head will continue to come out in the form of crazy, exposed taglines such as "My Soul Lies Bared for You... Embrace it." heheheheh.)
Soon, then.

P.S: btw, incase you are wondering...tagline was for a promotional poster for karachi ;)

Too great a Risk

Pl understand that it was too great a Risk...much too great.
Awkward, unnerving, painfuly vulnerable threat.
I didnt know what the reaction would be...
Would've been worse if there were no reaction at all.
I honestly DON"T wanna know...abhi.

Let the future unfold naturally....you WILL know.
I'll make sure you are aware, Inshallah...
kabhi na kabhi.

Someone Hates Me Today…

WHY (?????????!!!!!) did I ever make a Blog in the first place…(ALL u ppl out there who recommended me to.....HIDE TODAY!) and Why... God ....why am I so stupid…stupid….Soooooo STUPID??!!!


Someone hates me today….
I don’t know if that someone has ever hated me so much before today, but today I think I managed to break the record.
Even if he is not interested in what I have to say now, I owe him this much.
(not for anyone’s consumption but yours…incase u decide to actually land up here) But since you said you are not interested in knowing a thing, you probably won’t, and you never will if you are too pissed, and I’ll be rambling on for nothing at all, which honestly in this case is JUST fine, but just INCASE you do…

I am extremely sorry and I mean it. But when I said I don’t want you to know I seriously meant it, I wasn’t just saying it for the sake of withholding stuff from you, or playing stupid games. You matter a lot and I would never do that to you. I just couldn’t bear to think that someone who knew me would read it. And more so if that someone was you.

You want to know why…
I can’t bear to think what might’ve happened If you had read it, or even if you do now, I
I can’t bear to think that you might not have taken it seriously enough, or said something I wouldn’t have been able to live with, or done something beyond my comprehension, like laugh. If you laugh, I won’t cry…I’ll just freeze and add another layer to the numbness.



I have tried everything possible that I knew (and ppl whom I asked) to move this blog, HOW the hell do u do that?? Maybe I didn’t try hard enough but then, what is meant to be will be. I won’t delete it. But if someone can tell me how to move it, id be grateful.

Bhula Naheen Paatay

Churned out another piece of crappy Urdu poetry. Based on pretty much the same theme as the rest, might be read as a continuation of or sequel to the others. It may sound redundant to those who are familiar with the previous ones (particularly “Bhula Na Payeingay”), I apologize, but I really wrote this more for getting it out of my system rather than pleasurable spectatorship.

Hmmm, I once mentioned that I should stop writing crap because sooner or later it all comes true….someone please shake some sense into me and remind me of that very notion every now and then. I hardly want this dismal, depressing piece of poetry to become the sardonic reality that it predictably can be seen fathoming into.


Bhula Naheen Paatay

Abb chahatay hain woh sabh bhool jayain
Tumhari koi yaad aanay par ansoon na ayain

Yaad naheen rakh sakkay jo hum ko
Hum kyon naheen bhula paatay unn ko

Ansoon ban kar jab har yaad beh jaati hai
Aur koi beeti baat saamnay aati hai

Jab umeed ki har kiran dhal jaati hai
phir aik nae surat nazar aati hai

Dinn bhar aankhoon mein rehtay hain
Raat aankh say ansoon behtay hain

Gaya waqt jab faaslay naa thay darmeeya
Aaj pass ho kay hain kiss qadr durriyaan

Yaadoon say kabhi durr naheen jaatay
Hum chah kay bhi unn ko bhula naheen paatay

still around

I certainly have not disappeared Beknighted...
I come here almost everyday open upothis particular window and start typing, bythe time im done with 5 words, I feel sick and shut down everythng except the music.
something is awfully wrong, I dont feel like myself.

I dont know, forthe first time in my life hwo to get this outta me, I can generally write and vent about absolutely anything on the face of this earth that affects me.

Somehow I dont have and wont even try to find the words this time.



I cnat help but feel im being sucked back in... and I cnat help but be all positive and hopeful one minute and all sulky and skeptical about the futur, the next....

God is up there...He will figure something out which is best for us. So what if that turns out to be the thing that I have dreaded.

There is nothing that I or anyone else can say to make things better, I am learning to accept life as it is....and have left it on 'auto'

God, save me from crashing.